I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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