It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
