I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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