Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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