we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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