i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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