i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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