I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
