I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
