Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
