Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
