Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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