Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
