what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
