Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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