Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
