weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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