Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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