I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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