okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sober January is a disaster.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
