So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We have started to decorate penises.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
