I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
