Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
