What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
