am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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