When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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