Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
