i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
