Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
