someone threw a dead crab at me
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
