in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
