just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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