we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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