he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
