I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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