just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
