My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
