You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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