We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
