I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
