I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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