Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
