Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I died a long time ago.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
