I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
ttyl tear gas
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
