guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
