he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
