It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
