Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
