It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
