Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
